This morning I woke up to a familiar scene: Burl and Fern were awake before me. Burl was dressed and ready for school, and they had set up breakfast. It was the cutest scene. They were so proud of themselves. They always tell me how they solved problems they encountered: "we used paper towels because we didn't have any napkins clean," "we couldn't find a sippy cup for Ridge, so we got his snack pack."
Then, the sweetest part: Burl wrote me a note on a princess napkin, a move I make when I pack their lunches. John laughed at this, "Wow Meg, he is his mother's son."
Since Ridge was born and even more with Lark, Burl and Fern have been very helpful. I used to feel guilty about this, worrying that they were losing their childhood in effort to help ease Mama's load. Then, a sweet friend said in passing, "God didn't mess up by putting your kids where they are." I turned my worries into prayers that "God would use this time in their lives to turn their hearts into servant hearts for God's glory." That's what I silently pray when the worry creeps in that they have to help too much. When they setup breakfast like this and are overjoyed to show me their surprise, I trust that the Lord knows what He is doing far more than I do.
I think it is totally normal to feel guilty, but I agree with your friend. I know I don't know you, but I have always loved your blog because you seem to really, genuinely appreciate your kids and your husband and your life (and you are funny and have great style!). I used to read so many blogs and now I just read a handful, but yours is always one I come back to because you seem to genuinely be grateful for your life and that is so awesome and inspiring. I have seen on this blog how you adore your children and make so many wonderful experiences for them. They know they are loved. While it is normal to feel that mama guilt, their helping now is going to help them to grow. They feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in what they are doing and that is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI know at times along this parenting journey, I have felt guilty for so many things. We didn't have the money for things my kids' friends' parents had the money for, they didn't like taking music lessons or playing organized sports and maybe I should have forced it, but I didn't because I felt I had enough on my plate and wanted to find things they did like. Tonight I felt guilty because my 15 year old wants a new bike for her birthday, even though her current bike is fine, but it's a hand-me-down and every bike she has ever had was a hand-me-down. I felt bad but my husband and I agreed that we needed to teach a lesson about spending money on things we really need not just a new bike when her current bike is great and the right size and she just wants a bike that is brand new. I felt bad, but I think the lesson was good, just as I think the lessons Burl and Fern are learning are good...helping makes them feel good, it makes them feel proud, it will make them be more independent. I get the mama guilt, but I think your perspective on them learning to be servants of the Lord is wonderful.
Theresa, I have no idea how to respond to this except for Thank You. Thank you for your kind words, for reading, for seeing, and for always encouraging. I do love and appreciate my family and our life. I'm glad that's what you see.
DeleteAnd I hope I have the courage to hold back like you do when it comes to raising my children with grateful hearts. It's so much easier and more fun to say "yes" but often the better answer is "no."