Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Being A Mom Right Now


Lately, I have had a difficult time staying present while at home with the kids.  I'm having a hard time slowing down and soaking up my little fragile, delicate, perfect time with my babies.  It's been hard on me.  John and I have talked about it.  On Monday, I got to get away for quite a bit and have time to do some things on my own.  At the end of the day, I felt so happy and full.  I told John about it, because I felt guilty, like major guilt for feeling that way.  



He was great about it.  He understood what I was feeling, and assured me that I should not feel guilty for my good Monday.  That talk helped.  It didn't fix my attitude, but it was good.  



This week, I'm doing the little things that help me when I feel this way.  I think of fun little adventures to go on with the kids.  I take lots of pictures of them as they make their own play.  I talk about it with John and my friends.  Then, I remember that prayer would be pretty helpful as well.  Duh.  

Besides the prayer thing, the other little snippets are just temporary fix-its.  They're not solutions.




I'm adding something to my fix-it list.  This one's good: I'm accepting it.  I'm accepting that no matter what I do, I'll always have mom-guilt.  I'm accepting that I have my down days, and sometimes they last a few days.  I'm accepting that most days I eat these children up with a spoon (and I hope those are the days that I remember).  

I'm also learning that it might be something deeper going on inside me, and I'm also learning that it might not be.  I might just be chronically restless.  


As I process this and think about hitting publish, I'm starting to feel better.  I'm starting to feel a little freer. There is power in sharing our weaknesses, right?  I hope so.  Here is my weakness right now.  

7 comments:

  1. I have been there. I have to work at focusing. I have to work at not feeling like there is nothing left over for me at the end of the day. Today I had to work at being ok with the fact that my husband relies on me to bring the girls to all their activities and doesn't think twice about hanging out with a friend after work...while I schlep the kids around.

    It's not easy, but it's worth it. Prayer helps a lot and having friends helps, too.

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    1. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Prayer and friends are really important! ...and so is hearing encouraging words.

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  2. All these stages of parenting, often hard, are the ways we grow. I look back on those times and realize that the times I was struggling were often the times that I was experiencing a shift or growth of some kind....does that make sense?

    Wishing you well. You seem like a lovely woman and a great mom!

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    1. Yes! That makes great sense. Thanks for the perspective. I need to hear that!

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  3. The mom-guilt - that's one with which I'm far too familiar! I know those days too well. I just read something yesterday about giving 100% or doing your best...we actually can't do that ALL THE TIME. I suspect God has way more grace for us than we do for ourselves. I am feeling desperate for a break lately, and guilty for feeling desperate. It's ok to have needs. Sometimes we just have to be intentional about making sure we get our watering can filled so that we can continue to water our gardens. Prayers - and deep breaths - go a long way. :)

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    1. Yes!!! Thank you so much. I needed that. Grace. Prayers. Deep breaths. Repeat several times.

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  4. Girl...Motherhood (capital M) is a tough job. What other job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whose job description changes constantly? NONE! The trick to motherhood is changing with your kids. That restless feeling is you growing as well as them (you are probably not physically needed as much as you were 6 months go). Remember you are an interesting, intelligent person and only one aspect of you is mother (a good one from what I can tell). Have your time away and find your outlet for your creativity. It makes you are more interesting mom. PS. Super cute kids. Fern is looking more like you every day.

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