Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Belize Meg

When I walked in the door from my trip to Belize, I walked through a fog.  I remember standing in the little open space by my front door and touching a table like it was the first time I had seen it.  It was like I had eyesight for the first time.  It felt so weird.  Being in my huge bathroom where I could flush toilet paper and look in a mirror bigger than the palm of my hand was overwhelming.

The next morning, we left the house and I had no idea what to do.  I'm usually running around like a crazy person getting everyone out the door, but this time I was at a lost for what to do.  John got the kids loaded in the car and I asked him what I was supposed to do.  I knew we took a diaper for each kid and I took a purse.  Purse with my wallet, phone, & keys.  I asked John what one of the keys was for.  It was like everything was rushing around and I was frozen.  

The next day I went to Chick-fil-A for lunch.  That was a mistake.  It was almost overwhelming.  There were so many moms there yelling at their kids.  Kids were throwing tantrums and I was just trying to get the right condiments while watching the kids.  I hadn't been around anything like that in over a week and it was shocking when I was thrown back in to it.  

Being in Belize for a week changed me in many ways, but one of the most obvious ways is that it relaxed me to the core.  The slow pace, the community, and the joy that I found there has come back with me.  I'm still trying to figure out exactly what changed.  For now, I'm enjoying it.  I'm hoping it's a permanent change.

I know that a break in general helps anyone, but this is deeper.  John calls me Belize Meg now and he says Belize Meg is more chill than he's ever seen me.  I'll take it.  I see now that before the trip, I was not doing my job well.  I was holding tightly to order, control, and cleanliness.  The Lord showed me how much I had demanded of the household.  When I got home, I apologized to John for making him walk on egg shells and asked him to forgive me.  As a wife, mother, and homemaker, I want joy and love to be valued over structure and appearance.  

This new found attitude, lifestyle, and view on my responsibilities is amazing.  What a gift.  I want to bottle this up and save it for later when I need it.  I want to give it to my friends and that one really crazy lady in Chick-fil-A.  I'll call it The Elixir Of Life.  I'm still processing what happened, but I'll say this for sure:

It made the big, important things even bigger and more important 
It made the small, unimportant things smaller and I don't really notice them anymore.

Right now, I'm really enjoying those important things: John, Burl, & Fern.  The group that went on the trip.  My friends.  My neighbors.  Food.  Those the things that cut through the fog.  Those are the things that I see.  Those small things?  I'm not even seeing them.  I'm not even sure what they are at this point.  Belize Meg is seeing people and that's about it.  And gosh, this Elixir of Life is the most refreshing thing I've tasted.

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