Whole30, The Afterlife

Whole30 was the first diet that I ever did.  It wasn't about the weight loss (even though that happened and I'm happy about it).  Instead, the diet was about taking my focus off of treating myself with food.  I'm still processing how it changed things for me, and I think that things are still changing.  I can't package up my thoughts about how things are completely different for me, so I'm going to list out some thoughts and talk about them.  Although I would like to draw complete conclusions about my entire journey, I am only able to offer some thoughts on where I've been and where I am now.  Here they are:

Hunting & Gathering.  This little diet was suppose to limit me to the good foods and give me a break from being consumed with thoughts of food.  That was the case, but this diet took a big chunk of my time and effort.  While I wasn't focusing on what I would treat myself to or fun excursions that revolved around food, I focused on hunting and gathering.  It's like what they did in the good ole days, whoever they are and whenever the good ole days were.  I hunted good prices and fresh produce.  Sams had the best prices on avocados and nuts, Aldi had great produce, Publix had the best meat, and that little store in the woods 20 minutes from my house had almond flour for $1.99 a pound.  While I liked the month of supplying my family and me with quality foods, I found that without spending a bulk of my time running around for the best deals I would spend a bulk of our money on fresh foods.   I'm still buying pretty whole foods, but I still wonder what responsible grocery shopping looks like? Spend a lot of money getting the best product out there?  Spend a lot of time and effort running around getting good deals on foods?  Save time and money and stop worrying about getting the most whole and healthy foods out there?  Like most things in my life, I don't think that there is a perfect formula out there for me to base my living on, but the questions still remain.



Day 5. Day 5 of this diet was when I got ugly.  John will tell you that my attitude got really low, and I remember it.  I was not a nice person.  We tried to go out to eat and chose a burrito place.  I got a salad that had lettuce, bland ground chuck, watery salsa, and guacamole.   It was lacking in sustenance, or so I thought.  I was angry that "this is all I could eat."  I was hungry.  Truth is, this was my only low.  The next two days were like the rainbow after the storm, full of promise to last me forever.



Day 6 & 7.  These days were full of revelation and conviction and reality.  I was reading 7 at the time, which is a book about excess.  The author ate only 7 foods for an entire month, crazy.  As she was crawling through that month, I got down there with her.  I fed off of her convictions and added some of mine.  Here's the truth: there are people in this world that die from starvation.  There are people in my city that are hungry.  There are people who live in my city and live in food desserts.  They don't have a car to zip around town, searching for the best deal on avocados and sliced almonds.  No, they spend a few hours of their day off and take the bus to get their groceries.  I had enough money in my budget to fudge a little if the groceries were costly this month.  I had a car and plenty of time to go to all the different stores.  I had options within my diet. 



Freeing.  In my meat-fruit-veggie-nut diet, I found so much freedom.  I was free of having to decide where my next dessert was coming from.  I was free of the guilt after I ate too much.  I was free from questioning if I should eat ____.  I didn't have to question what I was putting in my mouth.  It was all good.  I couldn't make a bad decision.  I was free.
 


Right Now.  I'm longing for a passion for food.  I want to love and enjoy food.  I don't want to depend on it.  I want to be thankful for it.  I don't want to think that I need it.  These days, I still treat myself...to green tea, a Larabar, a handful of almonds, or an apple.  It's a huge improvement on how things were before, but I still wonder why I have this need?  Is it ok?  What are my food goals?  



I'm in a place where I ask a lot of questions.  I think about it.  I get deep and personal with myself.  I'm starting to feel some peace, but I'm still wandering through this new place in my heart.  The four weeks on Whole30 was a refreshing break in my diet and I'm thankful for it.  I might even do it again.  I would highly recommend to anyone who is stuck in a food rut.  It pushed me to think differently, cook differently, and see food in a whole different way, and I'm so thankful for the freedom that I've found.