The Dreamy Life

When I first got married, I worked hard to create my own little heaven on earth: cozy brown leather furniture in the living room, organized kitchen, colorful cookbooks, and clean counters.  I loved my married, decorating, ministry-filled, small-group-meeting, money-budgeting, movie-watching, Starbucks life.  I had finally arrived!  Still, it wasn't enough.

Every year we travel to Hilton Head Island for vacation with our family.  We stay in a condo under the oak trees with Spanish moss hanging lazy low from their heavy branches.  It's a beautiful place to dream.  As we walked down to the harbor one evening, we saw a boat we'd never seen before...neither of us had seen a boat in the harbor even close to that big.  The boat's name was Never Enough, and the irony was not lost on anyone watching.  

...and I wished I was there, part of the buzz and glitz and mystery.

But not really.  Because as I lazily looped my arm through John's and we meandered back to our beach house, I realized that this life I live is someone else's "boat"--they look and long and wish for this.  And so do I, until I remember that I have it.  That glamour life doesn't really exist, and the ones who chase it quickly discover it isn't really there...No matter how good life is, no matter how much stuff we have, not matter how well our physical needs are met, we will always long for more.  This tangible life is never enough, not really.

I read this in Emily P. Freeman's book, Graceful, Letting Go Of Your Try-Hard Life.  It's from the chapter titled Dreamer.

I just returned from my favorite weekly thing: women's Bible study at my church.  I'm feeling thankful and happy and a little tear stained (because what's a women's Bible study without a few tears shed?).  I used to dream about lives like mine.  And now I'm here.  I'm thankful for it so much, but it still has problems.

I'm consumed by fear that this is the calm before my storm and my storm is a tragedy.
I'm insecure that no one respects my opinion because I speak from a charmed life.
I'm scared that the lack of suffering in my life means I'm not strong enough to take it.
I'm still finding ways to grab hold of control and security.

The problems are extremely different than the problems that I've known before, but they are still problems.  Taking thoughts captive, receiving the promise that God will redeem all things, and trusting that God loves me and is in total control are the things that I need for today-whether it be hard or easy.